Posted by: sis | January 14, 2010

New country

I moved this summer and ever since then I’ve been struggling to find my footing. Its not like I have never moved before, because I moved countries last year as well. This move was much harder because english isn’t the first language here, the culture is very different and foreigners are not accepted with open arms (or that is at least my impression). The last time I was able to continue working as a nurse even though it wasn’t in the country that I trained in. This time I haven’t been so lucky. Not speaking the language when I arrived it was impossible to even dream of stepping into the hospital, and the amount of bureaucracy in this country is pretty unreal so its hard to determine if I ever can. I’m pretty sure that I am not ever be able to work here as a nurse unless I retrain and I don’t know if I really feel that it is worth doing that. I like nursing, but not enough to do the training twice. I think that I would rather do something else if I am forced to start again in order to join the working world.

But now I feel lost because for the last or 8 years I have concentrated on being a nurse. I worked continuously toward this goal and once I reached it on furthering my career. Now I feel in a limbo because I am working towards nothing. Sure I am trying my best to learn french, adapt to life here, and I am taking some night classes at a music academy (that is another story). But the sweeping life direction goals that I once had and which guided the paths I took in life are gone. Now I can barely get out of bed and I don’t see the point to most things because I feel I am not working towards anything. I used to go to the gym, run errands and work a 12 hour day . Now I consider it an accomplishment when I empty the dishwasher, do laundry and go for a walk. It is supposed to be paradise here and most people are blown away when I tell them where I live, but to me this is not paradise at all. Paradise for me is a place where I feel that I am contributing to the world and not a place where I am simply “killing time” until we can move on.

Basically I’m down and trying to find my way in a place where it is not easily found. I’m sure I will find it but while I’m lost its really not very much fun.

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